i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
