i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
