Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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