some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
