I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
