dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
