you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
