oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
