tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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