He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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