awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize