You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
