i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
