we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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