The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
