THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
