Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
