The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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