Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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