Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
