i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
