I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
