My underwear smells like fireworks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
