needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
two words...techno handjob
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
