just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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