i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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