C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
