You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
