She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
