Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
