I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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