Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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