Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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