In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
