Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
