No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
