it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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