Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
