I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
