roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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