i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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