he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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