your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
