u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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