made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
