What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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