i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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