you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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