I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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