I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
