Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
