i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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