i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
